Five months ( well almost six months now) into the new year, a realisation kicks in that I've become a person who does not follow through on things which has inherently got to do with me aka personal goals/growth. In 2016 when the world is swarmed with people, where the "I" comes in much before the "Us", you would thank I would get the hang of things and behave accordingly, but no I live in a different parallel universe where such things come into focus only in dire situations.

For the last few weeks, well it could be months as well the time kind of seems a blur, I have been utterly confused and completely annoyed with myself and my surroundings without exactly knowing what triggered it.

Last week I realised or I am still trying to comprehend that the boy I love, will not feel for me the same way, which hurts tremendously and kind of reminds me of the only other person who I've felt such strong emotions for and that took me a long time to get over. And questions of why repeated patterns keep occurring in one's life come up. Perhaps I should completely switch off from this aspect of my life, but since I'm intrinsically a person for whom love plays a pivotal role in everyday existence it is really difficult to do so.

Perhaps maybe break away from all the bad habits which lead to toxicity in my brain and life would help. Now to just finding what the solution is.